Making Self Care Work For You: Finding Your Unique Balance

In a world that often demands more than we can give, self-care stands out as a vital practice for maintaining our overall health and well-being. However, one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding self care is that it's a one-size-fits-all checklist. In reality, self-care is a deeply personal journey. Making self care work for you is about finding and cultivating a unique balance between what nourishes our spirits and energies and the diverse challenges that can leave us feeling depleted.

The Importance of Making Self Care Work For You

Before diving into how we can foster effective self-care practices, it's crucial to ask ourselves a fundamental question: What happens when I don’t take care of myself? The consequences are often more profound than we might realize. Neglecting self-care might mean missing out on quality time with loved ones, decreasing our productivity at work, or feeling increasingly overwhelmed by daily responsibilities. Overwhelm looks different for everyone; for some, it manifests as irritability, while for others, it might lead to emotional fatigue or a sense of disconnect from their goals or relationships. Noticing these changes in behaviour can provide us with valuable insights into how essential self-care is in our lives.

Self-Care Is Not a Checklist

As we look to nurture our well-being, it's essential to consider what truly matters to us. Each person’s self-care routine will differ based on individual needs, values, and lifestyle. While it’s tempting to follow a template that others have laid out—such as spending an hour in meditation, following strict dietary guidelines, or adhering to a specific exercise regimen—what we often overlook is that self-care should reflect our own needs and desires.

Consider the following elements for your unique self care prescription:

1. Physical Wellness:

At its core, self-care encompasses physical health. Vital components such as adequate sleep, nourishing meals, and regular exercise cannot be overlooked. Finding ways to do this that fit into your life is what will make this work best for you. Avoid 'all or nothing' thinking and instead experiment with healthy new habits that build on your existing routine. A good resource to get you going with this is Dr Michael Moseley's

"Just One Thing" podcast available on BBC Sounds. Start small and build new and sustainable habits that become part of your day rather than a chore. When we prioritise our physical well-being, we lay the groundwork for improved energy levels and mental clarity.

2. Mental Health Awareness:

Just as we attend to our physical health, our mental health requires equal attention. Identify the areas that often lead to stress and anxiety, whether it's work pressure, relationship conflicts, or financial worries. Be kind to yourself and ensure you get help when you need it. If you find yourself avoiding facing something difficult, consider how you can break it down into small, manageable steps. If there’s a conversation you need to have but find yourself dreading it, think through what it is you want to say and how you might deal with conflict or push back should it arise. How can you stay calm in the moment?  Having a phrase to hand that can buy you some breathing space is helpful, e.g., let me just think about that for a moment, or asking the other person a question - how do you see that working? – as is practicing what you want to say beforehand. Equally important is recognizing what activities or environments foster positive emotions—perhaps spending time in nature, engaging in creative pursuits, or connecting with friends. Strive to incorporate both healing and stimulating activities into your routine to maintain a healthy balance.

It’s worth remembering that often, the things that bring you joy don’t have to involve a lot of effort, but you have to make space for them in your daily life. It's often the small things in our day that bring us pleasure, managing to be early enough on our way in to work to grab a great coffee, or making time to talk to that friend we've been meaning to call for a while, or reading another chapter of that book or getting that early night we've been craving. Simply sitting in the park on a sunny day and listening to the birds - making time for those small moments of joy and appreciating them when they occur can help keep us grounded.

Remember that there are times in many people's lives when we could really do with some help to manage mental health. Maybe there's something that keeps coming up for you, or something keeping you 'stuck' and you want to make positive changes but are finding it incredibly hard. This is when you may want to consider counselling. A counsellor can work with you to explore what's going on, to help you find clarity and self-understanding and hopefully a new perspective to make the changes you want. If that's where you find yourself, please consider having an initial free consultation with myself and we can discuss your needs, or go to the Counselling Directory website.  

3. Emotional Check-Ins:

Another critical aspect of self-care is emotional awareness. Regularly check in with your feelings. Do you recognize triggers that lead you to feel overwhelmed or anxious? We often hold anxiety in our bodies, so get into the habit of scanning yourself to see if you have tension somewhere, and if you do, find a movement that helps you release it.  Being emotionally attuned allows us to understand ourselves better and make conscious decisions about our self-care practices. Giving yourself credit for your achievements is important, especially on days when you are really struggling; being able to make yourself a nourishing meal and doing the very basics can be huge ‘wins’ when all you really want is to crawl under your duvet. When things are tough, try speaking to yourself as you would a close friend; understanding, support and encouragement will get you further than harsh self-criticism.

 4. Boundaries:

Learning to say no is a significant component of self-care. By establishing boundaries, you protect your energy and prioritize fulfilling commitments that genuinely resonate with you. It’s okay to decline invitations or step back from responsibilities that drain you too much, especially if you’re struggling anyway. Remember that managing boundaries is not about changing other people, but rather, it’s about changing your own behaviour. What are you able to accept, and what must you say no to because you don’t have the capacity for it right now. Find ways to say no that feel comfortable for you and keep checking in with yourself because boundaries need to be flexible as our lives unfold and priorities change.

Conclusion: A Personal Journey

Ultimately, self-care is about embracing a personal journey—a commitment to yourself that evolves as you do. It involves the continuous process of recalibrating your needs in relation to the stresses that challenge you every day. By developing a nuanced understanding of what self-care looks like for you, you learn to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience.

Bear in mind that self-care is not selfish; it is a crucial aspect of a fulfilling life. Remember to grant yourself grace as you take this journey—it is not about perfection, but progress. The moments of respite you carve out for yourself can create a ripple effect, enhancing not only your well-being but also the relationships and responsibilities you cherish. So, take a breath and begin to explore what self-care means to you. Your heart, mind, and body will thank you for it.